I used to hear this word and say "oh yeah I forgive." But even now, when I still see that person that I've had issues with in the past-and I am consciously and verbally still hatin'-that's not really true forgiveness. There is a difference between removing it (the person, situation) from your life and forgetting and actual forgiveness and letting it go.
My first question to you is: What are you holding on to?
Right now I'm holding on to a few things in my life. Some of them deal with ongoing issues that stemmed from when I was younger...some are fresh and work-related and I'm trying really hard to find that forgiveness in my heart. I'm struggling right now. Mostly because my feelings were hurt in this situation and it's hard; I try so hard to live the life that God intended for me to live.
Tonight when I was at church we were singing "Hosanna"-the lyrics go like this:
"Take my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like YOU have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks yours.
Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from Earth into eternity."
My waterworks started coming down and I couldn't control them. I scrambled to find a napkin or tissue because I didn't want anyone to see me crying. I guess I didn't want anyone to ask me if I was OK. I was able to dry it up to cover my guilt...and I realized at that moment that God had laid it on my heart that I needed to start being more forgiving.
True Forgiveness. How can I explain to you what it means for God to truly forgive? I can explain it only in the best way I know how: its like when your husband (or your wife, or your parent, or your child) does or says something really dumb or possibly hurtful and you are able to still love him (or her) anyway and let it go. And forget it.
God truly forgives me. Sincerely. He loves me anyway and He lets it go...
Sometimes, for me, the "letting go" part is hard.
Ever held a grudge? It's easy to forget about the pain people have put you through if you never see them...but its very painful when you do and you truly haven't made peace with them in your heart.
My second question to you is: What are you (and I) going to do about it?
Whomever hurt me in the past, whatever process I am going through to forgive them means "letting go." You can't hold a grudge and let go at the same time. It's easy to say forgive. I realize I am still working on the process of forgiving...but I also KNOW God has no trouble forgiving when I come to him. As I strive to be more Christ-like, I am learning that forgiveness means leaving it to God (to ultimately deal with that person or situation), loving to matter what (even if it hurts and is hard to do-because it is), leaning on God to guide you through the process, and then letting go. Be free.
I don't know where you are in the forgiveness process in your life. But, I know that God's forgiveness has changed my life completely. I can't let God forgive me and then turn my back on forgiving others.
So this is what I'm working on: FORGIVENESS. Anybody with me?
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:31-32
