A Child's Thoughts

A couple of weeks ago I went to pick my son up from preschool and as soon as I walked in the door he said "Mommy, I'm sorry."  I said "What happened?"  He said, "I got a red apple because I was playing on the carpet."  
Red apples are NOT good apples to have (although I'm sure you're initial thought when you read this is that red apples are good and pretty tasty).  The behavioral system set in place at his preschool is as follows: green apple (good), yellow apple (warning), red apple (not good).  When my son gets a red apple he gets a spanking (yes we discipline) and no TV.  This is devastating at our house.  
No one likes to discipline their child, (especially if they haven't seen them all day)...and I felt bad for him because he knew what was coming when we got home.  He has gotten a few red apples in his lifetime...(gasp, a son of 2 teachers, no less)...but, this time was different.
This particular day, his afternoon teacher came up to me to tell me that the morning teacher (who put him on red) doesn't want him to have a spanking.  My initial thought was (what a relief) but then I worried about the consistency of our behavior rules.  I know he didn't just get a red apple for playing on the carpet...I am sure by the time he had to switch his apple to red he probably had 10 warnings and the teacher had had enough.  But, why would she say not to discipline at home?  I thought it was weird because she'd never asked us that before.  So, we told our son the teacher told us not to spank him.  He was relieved but didn't ask why and we weren't sure if we did the right thing as far as being consistent goes.  Oh, parenting is so hard!
The very next day my husband came home and told me when he saw the morning teacher (the hubs drops him off at preschool and talks to her in the morning) and that she had said: "Your son asked me after he turned his red apple if Jesus was going to be mad at him."  
WOW.  So that is why she didn't want us to spank him.
You see this is a phenomenal step in our family.  #1, my husband told me.  #2, he didn't have an issue with it.  #3, I didn't get reprimanded for teaching this to him.  
I have said before in my previous posts that my husband is very supportive of my relationship with God.  But, he is not supportive of anything that has to do with God being "taught" to our son (by me).  My husband is OK with prayer (he won't bow his head but me and my son do) when we eat.  He is OK with me taking my son to church or my mom taking my son and having other people teach him about God.  But, he does not want me to.  I know it's weird, but true.  It leaves me in a predicament...how can I not teach him the TRUTH?  My husband and I have had many talks about what we want for our son.  My husband believes if one of us "pours out" our beliefs on him that it will be like "brainwashing," which in turn may hinder his decision making process because he is so young.  My husband and I have agreed that we want our son to be able to choose. But if I don't give him choices (like learning about God), how is he going to be able to choose? 
In the very beginning of my spiritual journey it was very hard for me to convince my husband to let my son go to church...or even buy him a Bible (that was a huge argument between us).  But eventually, he has seen how much our son loves to go to church and he actually let me buy him a Bible (but he won't read it to our son).  So, we've come a long way.  And the fact that my son felt convicted...not to his parents...but to God.  I wonder if that was eye-opening for my husband?  Or eye-rollling?
But back to what my son said..."Will Jesus be mad at me?"  I have only had brief discussions with my son about God and sinning.  And he didn't call it sinning.  But he wanted to please God.  Not just his parents, not just his teachers, not himself, but God.    
I think to myself...he is a child with so much conviction...where's mine at?  When I am in "trouble" or do things I know I am not supposed to do, do I wonder if "Jesus will be mad at me?"  Do I think about how my actions reflect my relationship with God?  

For example:
Am I quick to listen to the latest gossip in the lunch room?  Even if I don't spread it, I am just as guilty as listening to it.  Learned my lesson the hard way about that one. 
*Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart. Proverbs 18:8.

Do I watch movies and TV shows...or read books that are not pleasing to our Father?  The ways of the world are hard to break.
*Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. James 4:4

Am I quick to anger or jump to conclusions or have a short temper too often?  Do I blame it on lack of sleep and stress? Absolutely.
*Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.  James 1:19-20

Do I do things I know I am not supposed to do?  
And if I do things I know I am not supposed to do...do I at least think: WWJD?  (And you know what that means).

My child's thoughts have got me thinking about my life...my ways...my sins...my repentance.  
I would like to ask a favor...that you please say a prayer for me; to be a parent that God wants me to be, to do everything in my power to bring up my child in the way God wants me to.  

I have learned something through this "red apple experience"-that even when I don't think my 4 year old listens or understands what I am saying...God knows my intentions and can speak to my child in ways I will never be able to comprehend.  I have also learned that whatever I say and whatever I do...my son is watching...so I need to make sure I do it right the first time...for him and for God.  

If you have children of your own, my prayer is that you strive to be the parent(s) God wants you to be.  And if you don't, strive to be the person God wants you to be.  Be convicted.

Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.  

James 4:17

Take a POWERFUL listen...

I heard this song on the way to work this morning.  It brought me to tears and as soon as I got to school I looked it up on YouTube to listen to it again before the kids came in.  One of my co-workers came into my classroom and said "Gettin' your Jesus on this morning?"  

Absolutely!

Who cannot relate to this song?  I wanted to share it with you!

Take a powerful listen!

"Redeemed"

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe every stain, yeah, I'm not who I used to be
Oh, God, I'm not who I used to be
Jesus, I'm not who I used to be
'Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed

Overwhelmed but Overcame

So let's just say September is not my month!  We've had lots of meetings at school this month.  It just seems like one deadline after another.  I am so thankful for my job-but stressing over the little things.  And of course, big things always happen in the midst of little ones!  Last week I was what you call "done."  OVERWHELMED.  Luckily, the family and I had a great weekend.  We were in the Turkey Parade (all on floats) on Thursday and then Saturday we were up early for the Turkey Festival.  I love festivals-vendors, crafts, music-lots of fun!  Then we went to spend some time with friends who invited us over for dinner.  We also got to see Nemo in 3D, which was cute, and (gasp) I've never seen Nemo.  Then Monday hit and again...I'm thinking deadlines, meetings, lessons...even with my "planner" organization skills, I have been absolutely behind.  I know some of the new teachers have already thrown their hands up.  I mean, what can you do?  

This morning I got up for my usual breakfast and devotion.  I timed myself at 3 minutes to read and hopped on Facebook (bad habit).  At the beginning of school I was doing a really great job of getting up early to have plenty of time to eat, read, reflect, and pray.  I haven't been taking that time lately.  I have been sleeping in and "saving" my prayer for my quiet ride to work in the car-which isn't a very long commute.  And here lately that "quiet prayer time" turned into thinking about what I needed to do today and the emails I needed to make.  
Well, when my first student arrived in the classroom, she said "I brought you something."  She plopped down a copy of "Daily Bread" (a devotion book).  She said "I have 2 copies.  One for me and one for you."  I was thinking...I wonder if the parent (who is a Christian) sent this with her for me.  I wonder if she knows I am a Christian. 
You see, there is a fine line in public schools that is hard to cross.  It is hard for me not to profess my Faith and I really want to badly. I want to tell all my parents I am a Christian.  I want to share it with all my students.  But I can't. But God worked through this 5 year old little girl  and I realized something today: Could my "cheating" God out of our time together be the reason I am so overwhelmed?  Absolutely.  What have I done to myself?  I have been so focused on work, routines, family stuff, etc. that I left out the most important thing in my life-time with God.  I NEED that time with him-to reflect, praise, pray...I miss Him.  And most importantly, I am ashamed of my priorities at this point.  I am so thankful for a forgiving God.  Every time. And it took my little Kinder bringing me a devotion to realize this! 
And at the end of today, I was on my way to pick my son up and I heard a song on the radio. It is a song we sing at church but it held a new meaning today.  
The lyrics are: 

All authority, every victory is Yours

Savior, worthy of honor and glory, worthy of all our praise, You overcame
Jesus, awesome in power forever, awesome and great is Your name, You overcame

Power in hand speaking the Father's plan
You're sending us out, light in this broken land

We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb
And the word of our testimony, everyone overcome


Every VICTORY-give praise.  He is WORTHY of our praise-and OUR TIME.  

Reflecting on today, I am reminded that I have been sent to share my testimony (which is why I am writing these posts and sharing each and every little story-victories and all). I am also reminded that God loves me so much that he overcame (for me).  

With all the agendas, plans, and the craziness of life...
I was overwhelmed but I have overcame. Thank you, God!

My hope for today is that you take some time to reflect on how you can spend extra time with God...building your relationship with Him.  Before work?  During your lunch break?  After the kids are in bed?  It is not something to "check off your list" but something to be "permanently scheduled."

For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus. 
2 Timothy 1:9

Go Ahead and Judge Me

It's hard not to judge someone.  I automatically judge someone when I meet them (first impression). I judge people when I see them at church (Wow that lady has 5 kids? She wore that?).  "People-watching" is my specialty.  The Bible says we shouldn't judge or criticize others.  I am still working on that.  So, why do we judge others?  Is it because we are looking for a reason to say, "I am better than this person"?  I don't know about you... but...I am still looking around for perfect people to look up to...and its hard for me not to judge or criticize others (especially those who say they are Christians) when they say one thing but do another.  I think this is what turns so many people off from having a relationship with God.  

When I first became a Christian I was still learning "how" to follow God.  I attended small groups to get to know people so I could see what their "perfect" life was like.  I got really confused because everyone I met seemed basically the same as me.  Not until just recently did I realize how human we really are...how imperfect we really are.  It took a lot of prayer, bible reading, and God's help to understand.  

If you want to have a relationship with God...looking at people is not going to help you.  Reading the word...that's what will do it.  Because people are broken.  No one is perfect.  Part of the reason I was so "cut off" from church for a long time had to do with disappointment from people in the church.  Things they've said, hurt they've caused.  How can you be a Christian if you are not perfect?  Well friends, I'll tell you...the difference between a Christian and someone who's not is a little bit of FAITH, a lot of forgiven imperfections, and believing the truth will set you free. Do I know everything there is to know about God?  Nope, still learning.  Do I sin? Yes, everyday.  

But God will judge me one day so I don't really need you to.  

I do, however, on a daily basis feel judged by people (friends, colleagues, even my husband-and believe me if anyone is going to hold you accountable for what you say and do its going to be a non-believing spouse)!  But I think they are still trying to figure me out.  They are trying to find someway to see me fail so they can find my imperfections.  That is OK with me.  I am not really the same person I once was.  (I once was lost, but now I'm found).  Since becoming a Christian, I am more worried about what God thinks of my words and actions.  I try my best to please Him.  And can I tell you how relieving it is to not worry about what other people think??? This has changed my life completely.  
At work I have these verses posted near my computer:

• Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.  Colossians 3:23
• Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. Then people who are not Christians will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others. 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12  
• And may the Lord our God show us his approval and make our efforts successful. Yes, make our efforts successful!  Psalm 90:17

I hope that God has transformed me into someone you can look up to.  I hope you feel comfortable enough to talk to me about your life.  I hope that I can help you see the changes God has made in me.  
My goal everyday is to say and do things that glorify God.  So that you may see some glimmer of hope that was not once there before.  To share with you what I know to be true and strive to be more Christ-like everyday!

People say "I don't want to go to church because people are fake.  They party on Friday and Saturday and say a prayer on Sunday and act like they are a Christian."  Well I say, come to church!  It's full of sinners...thank God!  That means no one is perfect...and we can be around people just like us.  What a perfect place to be!    

I want God to be my ultimate judge...go ahead and judge me God!  Make me realize my imperfections and help me to become more Christ-like in everything I say and do!  

Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you.  God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor?

James 4:11-12

Martha or Mary?

So in the last couple weeks I have been one busy lady.  So busy, in fact, that I have failed you and I am convicted to tell you about it.  In my last post I talked about being grateful for your season.  Well, I think I have been anything but that for the past week!  As you know, school started back up.  I was excited to see everyone again, get my classroom set up, etc. After weeks of preparation, guess what happened?  On Open House night, my computer wasn't working!  I got so mad because I had some work to do...the next day (notice I said the next day and not right away-because we always want what we want when we want it) I complained: Why have technology if it's not going to work?  What if I hadn't planned and needed my computer for open house?  I am not going to be able to get my other work completed tomorrow if my computer doesn't work today which means I will have to do it over the weekend....and on and on and on.  Then it hit me...is this not something that I JUST wrote about...being thankful no matter what the circumstances are.  I didn't need the computer/printer to work right away, I had PLANNED so it wasn't like it was going to be a big deal but it still irritated me.  I wasn't thankful.  But you know what happened?  The computer man that fixes our computers was all the way across town and came back to the school (he had already been there that morning) to fix my computer in a matter of hours.  So I wanted to tell you that...and just know that I am not perfect...but I have a perfect God that loves me anyway and will take care of whatever need or worry I may have!  

Also, you know that mommy season? The one that includes cleaning house, being the best mommy I can be...etc.?  Yep, failed that too.  Getting all caught up in work, neglecting what needs to be done at home, so tired to be there for my family...you name it I did it this week!  I am so glad I am writing these posts because it helps me be accountable for my actions and think...am I really living the way God wants me to live?  Am I giving him the glory no matter the circumstance?  So as I was cleaning this week...I griped a little and procrastinated...but I turned it right around and vacuumed with this in my head (and heart): "This is my season.  Thank you Lord for this time to vacuum and glorify you.  Thank you for a home and a family.  Thank you for my health. Thank you for this season."

Cleaning really gets me every time (with dread and complaints).  But, I love a clean home and as mom says "to be clean one must clean" (seriously she says that all the time).  As I was cleaning this week I thought about the story of Martha and Mary.  You can read it in Luke 10:38-42. In these verses, it talks about how Martha is so busy cooking (and cleaning and preparing and planning) that she gets frustrated when she sees her sister Mary at Jesus' feet.  Mary is enjoying Jesus' company.  Martha is too busy with the details...too busy to just sit and enjoy Jesus.  So my question is...who are you more like-Martha or Mary?  Are you-like me-sometimes "too busy" with something that can wait?  Like when my son says "mommy will you watch a movie with me?" or "mommy will you play cars with me?"-which by the way were 2 things he asked me to do yesterday but I was too "busy" to do.  Are you "too busy" or "too tired because of being busy" that you have neglected in some way to read God's word and meditate on it everyday (guilty, here)?  Again I say, are you like Martha?    

OR, are you like Mary?  Do you relish in each moment and desire to please him in every way?  Do you listen to God when he's talking?  

I think it is OK to be like Martha (because trust me, she was getting it done-if they were going to eat someone had to cook it).  But I think that Martha neglected to see what was in front of her-Jesus-because she was SO BUSY. My prayer for you this week is that you become aware of how you are spending your time and delegating your energy.  I made myself a promise a long time ago that family would come before work and God first always.  So I'm changing some priorities, that were squashed by the first week of school, and starting over...I hope you will join me-at Jesus' feet-like Mary.  I also want to share with you that there is a book I can't wait to read and its called: "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver.  If you read it or have read it, please let me know how it was!

So...are you going to be Martha or Mary this week?  One day you might feel like a Martha...but don't be discouraged-and don't forget about Mary.  I hope you prayerfully listen to what God has to say and if you need to-save "your work" for later! 

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. 

At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

Galatians 6:9